Resolutions WHAT?!

So I have started......AGAIN! These beauties are one the the things that really do make me feel productive! The smell of the saw dust and the sound of my saws just make me smile! And knowing that when the saw turns off that hopefully (if my math is correct) it will turn into something pretty and useful! I made a few shelves for a good friends mom right before xmas and it made me feel sooo good! Anyone that knows me knows that home depot and lowes are up there on my fav places to shop! My dad actually said that most girls he knows go to the mall when they are depressed and I go to Home depot and buy a smoker for yummy meat! He is right about that! While I do love Forever21 and Nordy's I just looooove a good hardware store!
These are almost done here! I love finding things that other people may think is trash and making something pretty and useful out of them!

So Xmas this year we had a wonderful morning of presents, and pancakes, and laughing and playing! quite frankly i was a bit worried about it, considering its the first year solo. But our kids are amazingly resilient and such good sports! Rhett even said to me after we were driving that he could see that I was happy and that seeing them happy was good for me, such a sweetheart! After we had a relaxing and delicious morning with friends, we heading to the "fockers" as I like to call them aka my parents! We do a white elephant exchange every year with just adults so every year we def out-do the last year. They are mostly rated R or more, but to say that you almost pee laughing would be an understatement! the List is as follows
Ed got a gianormous blanket with the mud flap girls, ya know the angel and devil silhouettes
Sarah got a set of rad head lamps
Eric got elephant banana hammock
Elliott got drop in water and grow your own boobs, and tasty nipple goo.....YUMMY! hah
Kim got cheese bawllz
Erin got emergency shits ziploc bag, with toilet paper
Scott got a how to belly dance kit
Emily got a rad socket set:) PERFECT
Uncle David got shrimp snappies kitty treats
Aunt Xena got the mother nursing 4 babies statue
Dad got the license plate cover that has a message board on it
Adam got flashlights
Elisebeth got a knife set
Somewhere in all of this Ed brought Sarahs dead grandpas dentures and they were NASTY!!
Here is a little video of some of the end of the night........keep watching the whole thing, def worth it!!!

Its ALMOST a new year SO......

Since the year is coming to an end and I have been having this seemingly out body experience, I decided its now the time to get grounded! I know that I am not the only person that uses disassociation as a coping mechanism, but I do know that is how I survive some days. When this gets sticky or a situation comes up I instantly feel like I am watching a movie. And then I relive, sometimes every moment down to smells, in my sleep. I have had countless nights that i awake to the sound of me, crying and talking! I know some people may read this and think I have lost my mind, but I assure you as crazy as I may seem some days, I have discovered many other women either in a similar situation or even completely different ones that these things also happen to them. I wouldnt wish this on anyone or any marriage, but since I am in it its time to start talking and sharing some of the hard things and maybe help some one. So I have realized that I am not the only woman who has found out some of the things I did, and I am not the only woman who sits back and thinks that someone must have gotten this struggle mixed up with someone else when the Good Lord handed out trials. But even though I sit back and wonder what the heck happened, I know there is a reason and a purpose for every tear I have shed, and will shed. I stepped away from so many things when things really started getting hard, and I am ready to do the things that I used to love.

On my list (I wont put then in any order)
Go SNOW BOARDING! I have never done it and it is TIME
Get my RUN on, More than I have been anyways:)
SMILE more and CRY less
Learn MORE songs on my guitar
Sit down and just be alone with my own THOUGHTS and know I am ok
Blog again, this is a start, RIGHT???
Take more PICTURES
BUILD some stuff and get DIRTY doing it!! (yes use my power tools that I love so much)
give a MONKEY a high five! (some of you maybe thought i forgot, NOPE!)
LOVE my body the way it is and just know this is ME
Try and let people in, meaning let then WALLS come down a bit!

Well hopefully all this jarble makes sense to SOMEBODY
and it is helpful is some small way!

So to say that since the last post on my blog my world has been shaken, flipped, broken, and a bit bruised would be an understatement. I know that my life and the craziness that
has enveloped my my family is a tragedy, but I also am just grateful for what I do
have and here are a few things that have been on my mind
1. I am grateful to have happy healthy children that can love both
parents even through the storms
2. The realization that true real friends are hard to come by, and how grateful
I am to have the ones I do have that come over without an invite to lay
on the floor and cry with me til I can see straight enough to get up
3. How I know that even when I feel forgotten, I get a dose of reality
4. For family that believes in the real me
5. Hope, plain and simple
I know that through everything that has gone on that I have to be the best me that i can be, and know that I can be a good person even if no body else is around to tell me so. I am grateful for so many things and this divorce has changed more than just what is obvious. I know that these circumstances were given to me for a reason and there is a lesson to be learned. Thank you to everyone that has been there for me, and for believing in ME!

a FIGHT, XMAS, a PUPPY, a LOST TOOTH, & some GOOD company!

Randall just got home from working out the day after Xmas and came home and asked if I would want to fly to Vegas and watch the UFC fight live, of course anyone that knows me would know how excited I was! So off we went to Vegas for the fight! It was so nice that we were invited to go with these boys cause they are always goin without us so we were stoked to finally get to see it!

Oh Xmas! Man am I glad its OVER! So much was going on at the same time that it was nice to sit back and know it was OVER! Our kids had a blast with all the fam that was in town and friends that had come to visit.

Like we need more babies, RIGHT? This is Tylie and we baught her the night before Xmas Eve and she is so sweet! She is a french bulldog cause ya know we need a little sturdier dog considering we have one in the house that kills hamsters (Kali) HAH!!

(Paige, Briana, Chealsea, Me & Alexa)
Oh and we had some fun in Rocky Point for New Years! There is always giggles when we are all together! We were walking around trying not to get too badly screwed from the village people when we saw these and had to have them! Well you can all see why!

A trip ALONE!

Since we have been married (almost 11 years) We have never gone anywhere by ourselves except last year we went over night at a hotel, but that doesn't really count. So Randall and I went to Hawaii all alone! That is HUGE! It was so much fun! We just hung out on the beach and shopped and just spent time together it was so nice! Here are some pics we didn't really take that many, I didn't want my camera to get sandy, that is why we did not take any til day 2!We also found Dog the Bounty Hunters office, his wife was so rude! Beth was in her car when we pulled up and Randall tried to talk to her and she completely ignored him! We only saw him in his car but Randall would have loved to talk to him!

Family Pics

We were smart this year and got our pics done early! Kristyn always does such a great job, you wouldn't know that there were 8 kids would ya? She had to bring her kids with her and she still such a great job! I am just glad that they are over!

Great Event coming up!!

This is really great! Domestic Bliss in downtown Mesa, The best home place EVER, is doing this event on Saturday to benefit the Neilson family that was in the Plane crash. Super Great cause and a lot of cool stuff will be down there! Come check it out and don't worry you don't need a sitter cause there will be a ton of things for the Whole Fam! Dan and Kristin are both very cool and generous people and I think it is AWESOME that they are will ing to do this for this family!

Some really exciting stuff has been happening in Posh Land!

So a few weeks ago we did this "Trunk Show" with Brass Heart.
It was so much fun and not to mention I of course got some
super cute stuff while we were there. They are so amazing! I love Sara and Love the style!She has such great taste. She talked me into skinny jeans too, SCARY!!I do love them now too!And After that we were featured ion Fox10 morning on Monday!OH MY HECK! We were so stinkin excited! They were so nice, and to think I was so nervous! Paige and I had everything we could possibly think of to say written down and when the time came we didn't say any of it!
We were there with such good company too! Brooke, and Amanda and Alexa wecame with us and ALL 5 of our little girlies
to show off the Kids POSH! It was and experience of a lifetime!
Do I wish I would have said moore?
Of course cause you never say what you were planning on!
Do I wish moore people would stop telling me how fat I looked on tv?
Heavens yes, what can you do after the fact?
Would I do it all over again?
Oh my heck yes! In a heart beat!
Thanks girls for sharing it all with us!here is the link so take a peek
if you want to see it for yourself! (Copy and paste it in your browser)
http://www.myfoxphoenix.com/myfox/pages/Home/Detail;jsessionid=F1BFB46E7BFBEB1057D8750C85751C02?contentId=7483485&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=VSTY&pageId=1.1.1&sflg=1

So......I am a Runner, I think!

So I got this brilliant idea that I am gonna start running,
yea I know I am way late. I have really enjoyed it! I am only running 3 a day right now but starting next week I will be upping my miles by .5 every three days. For some this may be mere peanuts, but for me its HUGE! I also jumped my sister in law & partner in crime (Paige) and of course Brooke, into the whole thing! That is the best part, we go and run @5:30 in the Am and crank the ipods up and just run.......what else is there? I will tell ya, Pure Satisfaction of completing something I have always dreaded! For me this is enough:)