Since the year is coming to an end and I have been having this seemingly out body experience, I decided its now the time to get grounded! I know that I am not the only person that uses disassociation as a coping mechanism, but I do know that is how I survive some days. When this gets sticky or a situation comes up I instantly feel like I am watching a movie. And then I relive, sometimes every moment down to smells, in my sleep. I have had countless nights that i awake to the sound of me, crying and talking! I know some people may read this and think I have lost my mind, but I assure you as crazy as I may seem some days, I have discovered many other women either in a similar situation or even completely different ones that these things also happen to them. I wouldnt wish this on anyone or any marriage, but since I am in it its time to start talking and sharing some of the hard things and maybe help some one. So I have realized that I am not the only woman who has found out some of the things I did, and I am not the only woman who sits back and thinks that someone must have gotten this struggle mixed up with someone else when the Good Lord handed out trials. But even though I sit back and wonder what the heck happened, I know there is a reason and a purpose for every tear I have shed, and will shed. I stepped away from so many things when things really started getting hard, and I am ready to do the things that I used to love.
On my list (I wont put then in any order)Go SNOW BOARDING! I have never done it and it is TIME
Get my RUN on, More than I have been anyways:)
SMILE more and CRY less
Learn MORE songs on my guitar
Sit down and just be alone with my own THOUGHTS and know I am ok
Blog again, this is a start, RIGHT???
Take more PICTURES
BUILD some stuff and get DIRTY doing it!! (yes use my power tools that I love so much)
give a MONKEY a high five! (some of you maybe thought i forgot, NOPE!)
LOVE my body the way it is and just know this is ME
Try and let people in, meaning let then WALLS come down a bit!
Well hopefully all this jarble makes sense to SOMEBODY
and it is helpful is some small way!
and it is helpful is some small way!
1 comment:
It makes complete sense and you are great for talking about it. :) I went through hell with a person I was married to for a short time after Aaron died. It was horrible. Love you girl!
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