I just want a real hug!!

I dont know what title I would name this post so I thought that one actually fit. I have done alot of not only soul searching and self-searching during this process, but also I have been doing alot of learning as well. Today was an emotionally draining day for me in particular. I had an apt today that went alot deeper than I am typically "willing" to go. I had a few HUGE realizations. One of the things that i absolutely realized was that on that awful Aug morning when all the "stuff" came to light, I knew I wasnt protected. Not only was my heart not protected, but neither was my own personal health. I put faith and trust where it had no business being, because i chose to fight longer and harder for something that was only mine to want. I have no doubt that a part of him did want our seemingly perfect appearing family to stay whole, but the "fight" was no longer there. He didnt move out for another 8 months after that day, and those 8 months proved a TON of things for me. Back to that Aug. i realized today at my apt that part, and a very small part, of the nightmares that i have are due to the fact that even in that moment where you somehow expect all the love and proteciton and comfort, i didnt feel it as deep as i needed it. I didnt tell a single soul everything that went on, I did tell one person a small, VERY small portion of the story. I think I thought that she could somehow help me through it, she couldnt.
I realized today that you know who I wanted a hug from? My mother, funny that I am in those shoes that when my kids are sad or upset or feel vulnerable, they want a hug.....from ME! My mom and I havent always been the best of friends and quite frankly used to fight like wild banshees, but in those very scary moments I wanted HER hugs, and HER protection, to make it all better! Now I know with all the surety in the world that i she could take this hurt away and this pain, she would and wouldnt even hesitate! But this isnt hers and its mine, my time to grow and learn! Heaven surely know how I have learned, grown, twisted, bruised and broke! But you know what? I am lucky, still. I have amazing FAMILY and real TRUE friends that really dont care if and when I am all of those things, they love me anyways and support me anyways.
So next time you see your sweet babies with even a hint of that "Something is off" just give them a hug, a REAL mom HUG!