Friday, January 14, 2011

Some Deep thoughts

These two NEVER cease to amaze me with the closeness that they have for each other! Last night Rhett was having a REALLY hard time, like hysterical because he REALLY misses his dad living here. He said that when he is here he misses his dad, and when he is there he misses me. I have never been a child of a divorce and really cant understand how it feels for these little ones. I do however know what it is like to think you have your life planned out with your spouse, who you love more than you can even imagine . I also know what it is like to realize that your goals and plans cant be with him any more. I remember so vividly the day their dad and I sat down with these two to tell them that he wasnt going to be living at our home anymore. I did most of the talking, i say talking but if I could call it shocking that would make more sense. Their dad stood next to the fire place and was sobbing so hard he couldnt speak, and it took everything in my power to not fall apart on the floor, but I knew these sweet innocnet boys needed the strenght. I have all the time later when I am in my own bed with the door locked to break. and I know that day will be forever burned in there minds, as it will be for me as well. They both listened to every word and every emotion that was shared that night. I spend countless nights holding them and sobbing with them, until we were to exhausted to keep our eyes open. I wish so bad that I could take that away from them and erase it from their memory, but I cant. I can make sure that I am here when they have a hard time or when they just need a hug, sometimes that all they need. We chose not to have then girls in the convo because they are still so small and cant quite grasp the divorce concept.
Well Lastnight, out of the blue, Rhett and Chase came in and wanted t talk. So i let them in to lay in my bed for a bit. I had no idea Rhett was so upset. He usually lets me know before but this time he just laid in my lap and bawlled his eyes out. It broke my heart to hear those sobs! I cant imagine how our Father in Heaven feels to sit back and know that we just need a hug, and he isnt here to hold us til we are alright. But there are reminders for us that he is here and that he would hold us and never let go if we didnt need to learn something from all of this.
So after Rhett had calmed down a bit, we were just sitting in my bed and Chase was laying on the opposite side of me and he looked up and said
"So I have a question dude, does anyone beat you up at school?"
Rhett: "no but sometimes I get picked on"
Chase: "dude point them out and I will back you up!"
I literally tried my hardest not to laugh, but I know Chase meant it! These two really are here to help eachother out, no DOUBT! I love my children and I am grateful everyday for the role they play in my life! Our Father in Heaven really has shown me how lucky I am!

2 comments:

Jamie said...

Being a child of divorce I feel for your kiddos. You are a great mommy and they are LUCKY you are there for them! That's so sweet that your boys are there for each other. My sister and I are two years apart and still best buds! LOVES!

The Ulrich Clan said...

Oh Emily...my heart about broke reading this...I am so sorry. Sorry because it doesn't seem right, or fair that any child should have to experience such sorrow. I can recall holding my children after experiencing sorrow of a different sort...wishing that I too could take it away. And you are correct, we are very blessed to have never experienced, as children, what our children have been though.
I am certain that these children have come "special" equipped from Heaven for this very time! They will be leaders!
Chase and Rhett are GREAT boys. They are very blessed to have a great mommy! You are doing a wonderful job, keep it up!
Your going through the "refiners fire" Em....Just remember how much your Heavenly Father loves you and that your family loves you too! You have a great support system...We love you and pray for you and your kids.
Come visit us again. We enjoyed having you here! Sarah

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