Seeing Clear

over the last 6 or so years i have been in a tail spin of many sorts. on a personal level, trying to remember the person i was raised to be, and trying desperately to let her back in and take over the chaos for me. that doesnt just HAPPEN, it takes alot of tears, hard work and more than any "normal" dose of reality. sometimes this reality smacks you square in the kisser and you dont even have a right hook as a counter to it! it has taken me seeing the things that i viewed as to be my very most prized possessions all but ripped from me. it has also taken nights of crazy dreams and remembering things that my heart has tried to lock away so deep that it couldnt hurt me any longer and it just pops up when you least expect it! for the first time in WAY too long i feel like the clarity is finally coming out! i want to dance around in my kitchen singing at the top of my lungs like i used to do when i thought i was "happy". well THAT girl is gone and ME has returned, stronger and hopefully wiser that she had been in the recent years. I have had some amazing support and some seriously amazing family and friends to snuggle me when i have needed it, and to tell me a funny story when i needed a good giggle. i have learned the value of a REAL smile, i think most people would say i love to smile, but having come from the places i have and the emotions that i have had, a GOOD, REAL, TRUE smile is definitely valued! I am not perfect, not by ANY stretch of the imagination, but you know what? i am def in a place where i have seen perfect moments!